Om Brzee Namaha!

Critical Waste
I watched the latest Dane Cook special, “Isolated Incident.” He has a bit about an e-mail he received that read, “Both of your parents got cancer and died to get away from your shitty comedy.” Laughter halted. I was stunned for a second. I wondered who in their right mind would send an e-mail like that. Dane tumbled around the brain when I rested my head that night. I remembered the first time I saw him on Comedy Central Presents. There was a lot of physical comedy. His stories made me laugh. After the viewing, I was a fan.
My sister and I went to see Dane Cook at the Rochester Institute of Technology. There was a massive line and he sold the place out. He had a completely new routine from the “Comedy Central Presents” performance. A few weeks later, back in my hometown area, he performed at Marist College. I went to see him again, thinking I’d be seeing the same act I saw in Rochester, but didn’t care too much because I enjoyed it. To my surprise, fifty percent of the routine was material he didn’t perform at the previous show. He’s a road warrior with quite a bit of material to throw out there. That’s a mark of a working comedian.
Comedians do have an “act.” Many times it is an extension of their personality, a sharpened, magnified, written and performed version of their take on life. The good ones find an audience and keep them. As they stick with it and hone their craft, the fan base grows larger, comes together, the seats get filled, and the shows sell out.
Dane’s “market” seemed to be the frat/sorority crowd. I noticed they championed him the most. He embraced them and came to their stomping grounds, college campuses, to tell his jokes. His career took off like a rocket. I knew he was reaching a lot of people when I kept seeing shocker/SUFI bumper stickers everywhere I traveled. Good for him, I thought.
I lost track of Cook’s level of success and was stunned one day when I turned on Comedy Central and saw his new special being promoted. A selling point on the television spot for the special was the venue, Madison Square Garden. I thought about the first little stage that I saw him slither around on when he did his Alien bit. I knew he had been working hard, but MSG just took me by surprise. Dane Cook’s really that big? He can sell out Madison Square Garden?
“That’s kind of weak...” I said to my girlfriend. “I mean Madison Square Garden, for a stand up comedian... I don’t know.”
It was a wee bit of hate that I threw at a man who made me laugh. I ended up talking with people about the upcoming special, throwing my two cents in about the “proper” place to make a crowd laugh, you know because I’m an “expert” and all. Of course, after letting everyone know how disappointed I was with Cook and the venue, I watched the special. I laughed. I liked a lot of the jokes, and the sell out crowd at the Garden did too. He seemed like the same old Dane that made me laugh before, again and again. I dismissed my inner hater. I’m glad I let whatever that was go. It helped me steer clear of the ever-growing hater community. Out of nowhere, legions of people stood and scoffed, shooting acidy spit at the man who had once made them laugh at acidy spit. Everyone seemed to be an expert on how Dane Cook was a sellout hack.
“Never saw the morning till I stayed up all night. Never saw the sunshine till I turned out the light.” -Tom Waits
I decided to try stand up comedy back in the day. I went through the normal motions, trying to capture some funny experiences and observations, gather them up and place them on paper. I wrote that shit down, expanded on it, tweaked it, erased and revised. When I reviewed my material and watched other comedians, I realized my jokes didn’t really flow into one another. Back to the drawing board, I scrapped this, added that and worked on segues so my eventual show would naturally flow. It took me weeks to get together ten minutes worth of material. I practiced the jokes in front of a mirror with a prop mic when my parents weren’t home to fine tune my act and prep for the day I would finally be on stage in front of people. In between working and writing material, I watched tons of standup comedy, listened to a bunch in my car and went out to comedy clubs on the weekend. All of this was done to gear myself up for the big day. Side note: these were the greatest homework assignments of my life.
Through all this practice, some nightmare scenarios crept into my head. They usually entered the brain in front of the mirror when I was practicing. What if nobody laughs? What if I get stage fright? What if I freeze up? What if this material sucks? These feelings of doubt I’ve had before, many times, through many endeavors. They’ve shut me down in the past, but I refused to let them stop me this time. I waded through all the self doubt and got myself a gig. I was given ten minutes. For the ten minutes, I had to provide four friends willing to pay admission and buy a couple drinks. Forty plus showed up instead.
I hung back in the club at a table reading a cliff notes guide of the act I had scribbled down. I puffed cigarettes as the emcee warmed up the crowd. With each passing minute, my heart pounded harder and faster. Quite a battle ensued in my brain that evening as I parried thoughts of doubt and bitch slapped moments of fear. And then finally, it was time.
“Ladies and gentlemen, please give a big round of applause for Eric Duffy,” the emcee said.
The audience applauded as I made my way toward the stage. Although I saw them physically clapping, I didn’t hear a single clap because the thought “make them laugh” was playing on repeat, over and over in my dome. The nightmare scenarios crossed my mind as I grabbed the mic and took a look at the crowd from the stage with a light blazing in my face. All the prep work -the writing, the re-writing, the practicing, the fear- came to a head. It was like the first big slope of a roller coaster. There I was on stage. This was what I wanted. One final bitch slap to that last moment of doubt. Smack. I got the first joke off and heard that first laugh, a laugh which pushed me down that slope and started the ride.
I steamrolled through my material, turning what I thought was ten minutes into seven or so. My friends, who came out to support my endeavor, laughed. Better yet, people I had never seen before laughed, too. I botched a punch line but made it through the act and said, “Thank you so much.”
I meant it, too. It was a Friday night and those friends and strangers could have done anything, but they chose to come to that comedy club and pay five bucks to see me. I made my way off stage with fear dead under my sneaker. I felt great. It was an honor to be heard and so cool that people laughed. As I walked off the stage, the emcee walked towards it. We met halfway down the room. He stopped to shake my hand.
“Good job in front of all your friends tonight,” he said.
He let go of my hand and continued towards the stage. I had worked hard for weeks, swallowed all my comfort seeking instincts, broke away from being a first class wallflower to get up there and have the opportunity to make people laugh, and they did. Those laughs were beautiful, music to my ears. The emcee had, in three seconds after leaving the stage that I had conquered, ripped my soul out and pissed all over it. It wasn’t a nice feeling. I’ll never forget the shot he took at me. Thankfully, he didn’t stop me from pursuing stand up comedy further. I ended up doing it for roughly a year.
Overall, dabbling in stand up comedy was a great experience. I had a wonderful time all but once, when a crowd was particularly brutal. I was the emcee that night and you could hear crickets farting during my routines. I sat down inbetween acts and watched the other talented comedians try to elicit laughter from the audience. We all failed. It was as if there was a brick on every seat which each patron inserted into their anus before sitting down to enjoy the show. Though the show was a “bad” one, I learned more that night than any other night I did standup. All the comedians cracked jokes about the crowd and rallied around one another before we were sent up on stage to the slaughterhouse that was that evening.
I have been humbled since my stint with standup comedy. Regardless of what I think of anyone’s particular act, I know it takes courage to stand up and try to be funny. The feelings of fear I felt minutes before I was called on stage at every show never really went away. They faded some, but were still always there hanging around in the backround. My pounding heart could only be relieved by one thing, that first laugh. My hat goes off to anyone who tries standup period.
Which leads me back to Dane Cook and the little inner hater in me, who questioned him because of an arena, an architectural structure in which he stood up. As if I’m the authoritative agency that approves where one is allowed to tell jokes. What did I end up doing with standup? Not telling jokes in front of twenty thousand people, that’s for sure. Instead, I retreated to the embryonic stage of the art form, the writing process...
Continue Reading @:
Collecting ExperienceBy: Eric Duffy

Written Word: Critical Waste